it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
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