Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
