There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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