the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
