come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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