After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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