I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
