i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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