Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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