You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
