So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
