I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
