There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
