last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
