i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
