my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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