I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
