Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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