I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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