tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
