I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
