i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
