thus making me awesome and them whores
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
