so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
