i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
