If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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