Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Oh god it's open bar.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
