Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
