youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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