I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
