we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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