Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
