Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
