i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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