Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
