Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
