the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
