I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
