Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
