New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
