So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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