She's JV to your varsity
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
