i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
