just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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