Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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