In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
