Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
