dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
