you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
