First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
