Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
