is your mom at the bar?
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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