1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think i have two assholes
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
