Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
