now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
you inspire me to be a worse person
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
