Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
