The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
no, he came in my armpit
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
