I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
