Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
