Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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