Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.