what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book