apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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