Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
