Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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