Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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