I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
