I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
