this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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