My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
