My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
