omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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