So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
