So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
