this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
