There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
