every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
