i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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