drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
