I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
