Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
