Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
