I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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