You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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