he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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