you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
