I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
